I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
