Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
