Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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