dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
