oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
