You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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