38 yer olds are good kisserssss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
