So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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