and you said cock pushups were impossible
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
