First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
