haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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