Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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