the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
