You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
