Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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