I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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