sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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