Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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