I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
