Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
