Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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