I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
