Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize