Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
