Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
