My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
