Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So. Much. Porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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