Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I faked an abortion last night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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