Porn is love you can see.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
