so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
