neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
