its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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