I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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