I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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