If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
