I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
