why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
