even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.