I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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