Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sarcasm needs its own font
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.