just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it