Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?

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(630): which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november? http://tfl.nu/f9dy

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(906): View more from Michigan

The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.

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(906): The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock. http://tfl.nu/nnn9

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(770): View more from Georgia

It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.

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(770): It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college. http://tfl.nu/l73u

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(561): View more from Florida

I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

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(561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv

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(647): View more from Ontario

i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

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(647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v

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(518): View more from New York

I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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(518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x

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(520): View more from Arizona

Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.

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(520): Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell. http://tfl.nu/mi1d

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(605): View more from South Dakota

She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.

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(605): She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating. http://tfl.nu/imu2

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.

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(505): Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got. http://tfl.nu/7wlw

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(316): View more from Kansas

She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.

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(316): She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool. http://tfl.nu/dtry

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(705): View more from Ontario

I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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(705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha

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(904): View more from Florida

They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!

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(904): They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??! http://tfl.nu/4zc8

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.

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(225): I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/p6i2

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(732): View more from New Jersey

For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love

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(732): For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love http://tfl.nu/5u72

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(773): View more from Illinois

I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.

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(773): I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move. http://tfl.nu/qg2k

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