dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
