So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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