just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
