Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
