you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
