i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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