can u get pink eye on your cock?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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