Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
