My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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