70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
where are you?
Hypothermia
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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