If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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