so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
