can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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