You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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