Operation Purity has been aborted
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
