She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize