I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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