why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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