dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
