Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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