we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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