My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
