Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
