I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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