before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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