i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
