Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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