i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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