genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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