i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
